In an earlier post we discussed how awful many of the subject lines were in messages sent by men to our reconnaissance female profile. In this article, we will look at and analyze some of the Plenty of Fish dating messages from the men on the site. Lets take a look:
PoF Email #1 - Low Self-Esteem Guy
So this guy sends an email with a simple, hi, and nothing of substance in the message body. The worst part is that he states, "I know I have no chance..." If you knew you didn't have a chance why did you send the message? It is a dating site after all. Unless, perhaps you are looking for someone to give you pity or feel sorry for you. If that's the angle, then I'm sorry to bust your bubble, because it is simply sad and pathetic.
PoF Email #2 - Put Her on a Pedestal Guy
Listen, it's ok to give sincere compliments to women, however it's not ok to put her up on a pedestal and shower her with praise in a lame attempt to somehow attract her. In fact, you are doing the opposite, you are pushing her away. You simply are displaying how inferior you are by raising her value and lowering yours at the same time.
Ever heard the phrase: women like a challenge? Well, it's true and when you put her high up on a pedestal in your very first interaction with her, then you are not being challenging at all.
PoF Email #3 - The One Word Wonder
This type of message just baffles me. One word and a smiley face. Come on dude... you have to put in at least a little effort if you're going to expect a girl to keep from hitting the delete button the instant this hits her inbox.
POF Email #4 - Dr. Showoff
This guy might as well have said, "Hi, I'm a doctor... want to sleep with me now?"
Though it is important to display that you are a high value alpha male, such a blatant attempt to brag or showoff isn't attractive. He could have easily showed he was a doctor by being indirect in his approach, mentioning it as a passing thought without putting all the emphasis of his message on being a doctor.
POF Email #5 - Lame Pathetic Guy
This guy is similar to Pussy on a Pedestal Guy except far more lame and pathetic.
POF Email #6 - Retarded Guy
Listen, if you can't even put together a proper sentence, how do you expect anyone to find you attractive. Intelligence is an attractive quality in anyone and displaying it in a simple message to someone you are trying to attract will better your odds. Conversely, sending a message that looks like a dictionary puked on the screen is enough grounds to hit the delete button.
PoF Email #7 - Super Direct Guy
[click to enlarge]
I'll give this guy a fraction of credit as he has the balls to be honest and direct, however, this is certainly not the way to swoop a woman off her feet.
First, he doesn't bother using complete words, opting for U instead of You, etc. Second, he starts by putting the girl up on a pedestal right off the bat by calling her, very very very sexy. Third, he decides to throw in a sexual line about being on his knees for her. Fourth, he apologizes for his previous statements and finally gives out his phone number asking her to call him... sigh...
There are so many things wrong with this I'm not sure where to start. First, it should be obvious to anyone that if you want to display at least basic intelligence then you should probably attempt to use proper grammar. Second, when you put a girl up on a pedestal you are automatically lowering your own value. In essence, you are telling her that you are not even worth her time.
Third, telling her that you want to do sexual things to her in the first email is wayyy to direct for most women. Granted, I do believe in the direct approach in real life, but online and in this manner is going overboard. Fourth, if you are going to be that direct, why apologize for it? If the direct approach even had a chance of succeeding, you would have nullified it by apologizing. If you were truly sorry, you wouldn't have said it in the first place.
Finally, he gives his number out to a complete stranger on the first email. Dude?! How do you know this chick isn't really a guy posing as a chick? Well, it is. I now have your number and could easily prank call you and tell you how much you suck at online dating:)
Conclusion
- Almost all the guys had terrible spelling and grammar, displaying low intelligence.
- Most of the messages focused on complimenting the woman on her looks rather than writing about the many interests and content within that woman's profile.
- Most of the guys put her up on a pedestal when there was really no basis for doing so.
- Most of the guys had one sentence messages that were not unique in anyway and were not worth the woman's time.
That's funny stuff, right there.
ReplyDeleteHowever given that most mesaes women receive are garbage you would think that initiate email more often.
Try sticking up a funny hot guy profile ... you'll find that the messages are just as bad. It's funny how many people will put themselves down while at the same time, complimenting someone else.
Yeah, I know the point here is bad email from guys, but my point is bad email from women is equally as common ... very few people (male/female) are gifted enough in text/email ... picking up context, directing conversation, leading conversation etc. Very few people have much practice in that area.
People shouldn't be too concerned about rejection being much higher for online dating, it's inherent. It's also the factor that drives down the quality of email/text over time as well.
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI didn't think to try this with a fake "hot guy" profile. I suppose my thinking was that guys in general receive far less emails than women and wouldn't get a good enough sampling to see similar bad emails from women. Although, now that you bring it up, I may have to experiment and with that concept and see what happens.
Just out of curiosity, are there any of you guys out there who get crappy email messages from women? If anyone's willing to share, take a screen shot and email it to me: themodernsavage at gmail.com.
If you are going to judge someone on grammar, spelling, and syntax, then may I suggest you carefully check your own writing first? Other than that, very funny post.
ReplyDeleteI'm a fake funny "hot guy".
ReplyDelete--
Seriously, email from women (initiated or otherwise) can be pretty bad at time. However, I would certainly expect the clever/educated guys on the site are a lower percentage in respect to woman. That's just volume really. People should recognize women are generally better in language skills, so it can be a easy turn off for them.
However, if you go to myspace or any other "free" service where "dating" is a possibility you will notice some pretty crappy stuff.
People need to let up on expecting wordsmiths in emails and just push it thru to get to the met stage.
Still, the emails you cited, which I suspect represents a significant percentage, won't get guys anywhere.
The biggest issue, is that free dating sites and maybe dating sites in general are NOT comprised of people who are all that gifted in meeting/conversation anyway. Putting email in between as well, ain't gonna help much.
Guys should stick to very light/fun conversation starter. It is really a "I like you/ you like me/ let's meet and see scenario". Don't make it anymore complicated than that. On line dating is simply nothing more than "high resolution" blind dating.
Your profile and approach should clearly state, without stating it, let's meet, share a few laughs, some fun stuff(not sex), and see what happens, but hopefully it's going to be great.
More simply put, the worse case scenario has to be acceptable to which ever woman you're speaking with ... otherwise it won't happen. Everyone thinks that way, it's not just woman.
HumorSmith,
ReplyDeleteHaha, I had feeling someone would post a comment like this. Yes, my command of the English language is certainly not perfect, nor is most people's.
In online dating, I think you can forgive people for simple grammatical/spelling mistakes, but there's a difference between that and some of the messages of above.
From what I see, there are no glaring mistakes in the above article, however, if you are willing to point them out, I'll certainly fix them.
What I notice in all of those is that only one of those guys says anything about himself, who he is. Are they all that boring or are they all just walking penis's after all? None of those guys has an email that would be interesting to reply to. I did go out with three guys from PoF when I was active there. They each had something to say about themself. It gives you the feeling there is a person on the other end of the email, someone you could get to know. All the others you gave as examples seem to be looking for something very casual. Too casual. You can buy those kind of casual in an adult novelty store.
ReplyDeleteLaura,
ReplyDeleteThanks for bringing up that point. You're right, it's not enough just to make contact. Guys need to demonstrate that they are worthy of dating. In the seduction community this is called demonstrating higher value (or DHV for those of you who watch VH1's The Pickup Artist:) Though, it's also important to note that you can't brag about it either, such as the Doctor guy above.
Guys pretending you are interesed with a woman after many e-mails & ask or their # and after you get it you stop e-mailing? Are you collecting tel. #'s only? Another guy did nothing but write in riddles & vagueness. Never answered if married or anything else asked about him? Do any of you men really read the profiles..I mean really!!You men who want sex talk should go to adult friend finder. You say you're serious about finding someone, somehow I don't think so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Players
ReplyDeleteGreat observations! And that's coming from a dating coach for men who also gives online dating advice :-)
ReplyDeleteBut you missed one critical point: quickly take a look at all those messages... do you see the subject?
- Hi
- Hello
- Hey
- Wow
Imagine you were a woman. Attractive women receive (on average) 30-50 messages a day. What do you see before you open the message? The message subject!
And almost ALL message subjects start with hello, hi, hey, and wow (= kissing *ss). Will you stna dout with a GREAT message and one of these message subjects?
Hell no!
Because women get 30-50 message subjects JUST LIKE YOURS.
So the best online dating advice I can give you to increase your chances is this: make your message subject unique.
She's a basketball fan? Then throw in a message subject like: "Heyyy basketball junkie!" or "From one Michael Jordan fan to another..."
Now THAT will grab a woman's attention, because it's NOT like the other subjects AND because it's about her!
To More Dating Success,
Dennis Miedema
Win With Women
An online dating site is going to be what you make of it. You have to be part masochist and part optimist. There are real people. There are pretenders and fakes. It's a matter of sifting through. Any time the women has been good looking (by my high standards) regardless of ho made contact we engaged in conversation. I haven't experienced any faux profiles.
ReplyDeleteThe best way to meet is in person. The other person has to respond to your question in the moment not think all day for the best answer. Plus you can read body language to determine if the person is full of it. But online dating provides additional opportunities to meet someone.
For those who don't feel they are good at meeting women in person, you won't do much better when you do meet her. You need to learn how to interact face to face.
Hmm. "Attractive women receive..."
ReplyDeleteOkay, as a woman, I want to share my online dating experience. I noticed that my emails more than tripled when I lied about my education (changing PhD to Masters') and about my job (changing college professor to high school teacher). Are we including "education and occupation" in that "attractive," or is it strictly about physical features?
FWIW, I am in a great relationship with...get this...a physicist who plays rugby. It's a regular Renaissance Geek Fest over at our house. I did not meet him online...I met him at a rugby game.
I posted a profile with a picture of a lawyer on the back of a yacht. I put very little in the "about me" box maybe 12 words. Screen named it lawyersr4u.I recieved marrage proposals from all over the world and close 200 e-mails a day.
ReplyDeleteFrom 18 yrs to 65 and every race known to man.
From bone skinny to sickning obeast.
Be it known: its all about the MONEY!!!!!!
The problem I have with Plenty of Fish is that a lot of the women in my area at least tend to have very short 'About me' sections, so there isn't a whole lot to go off of. Whether because of that or maybe I am just not creative enough, it is hard to put together a great message.
ReplyDeleteWhile I am not guilty of any of the above infractions, many times I am left with saying what amounts to 'Hey, I stuck a lot of time into my profile to let you know who I am and what I am about, so check it out and if you like what you read, let me know.' More often than not, about 80% if I had to estimate, if I get a response, it is either in text speak or an incredibly short one-liner giving nothing to go on.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that women are just as likely to commit the same offences in my experience.
It seems as though the ones that have viewed me/contacted me never want to actually meet me. I am the one that suggusts a meet n greet and except for one, they all back out. I thought the older you get the less games you play, but it seems the older ones must go to sleep quickly after getting off the computer haha
ReplyDeleteKept getting a message from one guy (all in upper case letters... guess that's called SHOUTING). Imploring me to "CALL ME NOW". When I said I had a concert to go to (U2!!!!) and I was stupid to even tell him my plans....he texted "THE CONCERT ISN'T UNTIL THIS EVENING...CALL ME NOW"...I told him he was rude and controlling..... and deleted/blocked him.
ReplyDelete