Plenty of Fish Inbox Email Success Rates for Men

For the average man who is first getting into online dating, particularly a free dating sites like Plenty of Fish, it becomes readily apparent that the email response rates from the dating messages you send out to women are atrociously low. Now some sites are better than others, for instance paid dating sites like Match.com or eHarmony may get you slightly better reply rates due to the fact that the members are more invested, however, if you're a cheap bastard like me, then it may get a bit frustrating logging into your Plenty Fish inbox only to see it completely empty after sending out a mass of emails to a bunch of women. Of course, being the numbers kind of guy I am, I thought it might be useful to find out what an average reply rate even is for a dating site like PlentyofFish. So I did a little number crunching; lets take a look.

First, lets take a look at the average number of first email messages sent out by each gender just so we have a starting point. Also, note that the following data for these charts was taken from a survey I ran on this site over the last two years which consists of 504 respondents who use Plenty of Fish; 219 which were male and 285 which were female.

Just to clarify, these figures represent the average range of emails sent per day per person broken down by gender. So for this chart, one could say that approximately 60% of men and women send between one to five emails per day while on POF.

As you can see, there isn't a whole lot of difference between the amount of emails that are being sent out compared to women. I'd dare to say, that this basically shows me that both genders are equally lazy about messaging potential dates. And as most of us men should know by now, is that online dating is largely a numbers game, thus it's vital to go beyond the 1-5 per day. Also, I'd like to take this time to point out that the "none" category is the second highest for both genders at around 20% of the respondents, which is astounding to me that these people don't do ANYTHING proactive to be successful on PlentyofFish. Although we'll move onto success rate in more detail with the next chart.



This above chart is breakdown of the men, their frequency of emails sent and the number of dates they went on as a result of the emails that they initiated. The chart might be a little confusing so to clarify, the vertical axis represents the number of men that fall into a particular category who sent out either: no messages, 1-5 messages, 6-10 messages, 11-20 messages or 21-50 messages per day. They are then grouped on the horizontal axis by the number of dates that resulted from their respective email message frequency.

So, looking at the first grouping in which men went on no dates at all, it shouldn't be surprising that a large number of those men either didn't send out any messages to prospective dates or sent very few messages with most of the men not sending out more than 5 email messages.

What I do find interesting is the second grouping of men who ended up on 1-3 dates from sending between 1-5 messages a day, which represent approximately 45 men of the 135 who send 1-5 messages a day. This shows me that even guys who are willing to put in minimal effort of initiating contact on Plenty of fish have a decent shot of getting a date.

Of course there are still a lot of guys putting in effort to send 1-5 emails per day and not getting anything out of it, which is definitely frustrating when looking into one's Plenty Fish inbox but from the little amount of data received from the guys sending out more than 10 emails per day, it does appear promising that increased frequency does indeed result in more dates.

Note: this post is part of the 19th Edition of the Carnival of Online Dating.

Lonely Guy Can't Get A Date on Plenty of Fish

Just found this video of another guy ranting on about his woes and lack of success using Plentyoffish. It's kind of sad and I feel bad for the guy but from watching the video it's clear why he's not getting any dates from the site, which I'll explain afterwards, but first check out his video rant.



Wow, right? There's a number of things I could easily point out with this guy about his lack of success, so lets just get right into it, shall we?

1. Physical Appearance

This should be obvious to most people but if you're a 4 on the rating scale then you shouldn't be expecting to be snagging women that are an 8 or 9. It's just not realistic in terms of one's standards in the opposite sex. Of course, this is a shallow thing to say but the guy is not good looking and a bit unkempt. And as we know, online dating is much more shallow and based on looks than traditional dating methods. It's been said many times but much of online dating, particularly on free dating sites like PlentyofFish, your pictures are ninety percent of the game. If you don't have good pictures, where you make your best efforts to look good, then you will struggle to attract any attention.

Now, I'm not saying this guy is hopeless in terms of looks, in fact I think he could easily clean himself up and improve his attraction rating by at least 2-3 points, maybe more. If he got a decent haircut, shaved off that scraggly facial hair and put on some decent clothes he'd already be making some good progress short term then could improve even more by hitting the gym as a longer term goal.

2. Desperate Nice Guy Syndrom

In this guys video he professes many times that he's a "nice guy" that never cheats and treats all women with respect, bla bla bla... The problem here isn't that he's a nice person who is being ignored by women, the problem is he uses the Nice Guy facade as a disguise for his desperateness and lack of confidence. The whole video just oozes a desperate vibe, even towards the end when he actually asks for women to please contact him. I'm not saying he should be a jerk, a la the whole nice guy vs. jerk debate, but really he just needs some balls and stop acting like a dog begging for a bone.

To fix this, I think his first step would be to delete the damn video of him bitching about his failure at using Plenty of Fish to the entire world. Seriously, there's no need to exacerbate one's lack of confidence by publicizing it all over the place. Second, though more difficult is a change in mindset and attitude. Instead of coming from a place of neediness and despair, he needs to act as though he doesn't even need online dating, act as though it's just something he's messing around with. From my experience, women can smell needy guys from half way around the world (thanks to the interwebs) and will quickly put the guy on the Creepy Loser List.

So those are the main points but I think it's pretty clear why this guy isn't getting the results he wants and it amazes me that men are unaware of this stuff. However, obviously there are plenty of guys on Plenty of fish like this, a good example is another POF Youtube rant I posted about some time ago.

Of course I'm not the only pointing out these errors, as you can see in the next video from Player Supreme, he rips these guys apart on the same things that I just pointed out, though much more harshly.

Sample Online Dating Email Messages

Lately I have been getting really good at having great flirty conversations on PlentyofFish. I've found that the most successful email message exchanges, regardless if I initiate contact with the girl or she does, is all about banter.

What do I mean by "banter?" Well to put it simply, it's a kind of humorous, playful, seemingly spontaneous conversation in which both parties are in good spirits. It is also kind of like teasing in a sense, you know, like when you were a little kid on the playground and that girl or boy would punch you in the arm for no reason, it's because he/she really had a crush.

I'd like to share one sample conversational email thread with a cute girl who had actually contacted me, asking a simple question about my dating profile, which is filled with interesting conversation bait as any good online dating profile should. The names and certain details have been changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent (I'll let you decide who's who:-). Also, I will be adding my own commentary afterward in the blue writing to explain what is going on in my diabolical mind.

Email Message #1: From Jane

I'm curious how your marathon went. Did you find minimal padding was ideal or were you aching afterward?
You seem very unique, and interesting.

~Jane

Now right off the bat, I have a cute girl contacting me all because I put in a ton of effort into my dating profile. There's all sorts of interesting stuff that I've written and re-written, one of which is about my running/marathon hobby that baits her into sending me the first email message. Also note that she calls me "unique" and "interesting" so you know that I've got her attention, which makes the whole process a heck of a lot easier.

Email Message #2: From Me

Hi Jane,

The marathon went well and though I was sore afterward, the recover was shorter than usual. I do believe that minimalist shoes allow your feet to move more naturally and is beneficial to creating a more efficient foot strike. I've done a lot research and self experimentation in this area; it's pretty interesting stuff. Are you a runner?

Also, I've been trying to figure out what the heck that costume is in the third picture of your profile... lion king outfit??? :)

-Matthew

Ok, there are two parts to this and both are pretty important. Most guys royally screw up here by either saying something sexually offensive or spilling their guts with a boring ass life story, possibly professing their love for this girl that they haven't even met.

First thing I did was to answer her question briefly but also in a way that shows I know a lot about my hobby, running, without being arrogant. Second thing I did was to make sure I ask her a question or two. This step is important because it allows her to easily continue the conversation and keeps things moving. Also, if you ask her a specific question about her profile, it shows that you actually read it and paid attention to something other than her boobs!

Email Message #3: From Jane

Amazing, but I suppose it shouldn't be so surprising. In high school I was forced to be a runner, and sort of continued after but to a much lesser degree.

I have nooo idea what it is, it has horns so maybe a mountain goat of sorts? I was in charge of organizing an attic full of costumes that the high school drama club and the local community theater uses and...that happened :-P.

~Jane

Ok good, she took the bait from the last email message and responds with some more interesting things about herself, yet still she doesn't do much to keep the conversation rolling, so in my next email I'll have to get more creative.

Email Message #4: From Me

Ha ha, well, whatever it is it's funny. You seem like you might be prone to getting into mischief... like the kind of girl who'd explore their parents' forbidden attic or that old creepy abandoned house down the street.

Pop quiz, where would you rather go exploring: a distant mountain range, a tropical paradise, a vast wilderness or the urban jungle of a foreign city?

Extra points for being creative:)

This is where I drop the bomb and go all in. This is what I like to call a qualifying email message. The reason it's called a qualifying message is because it's designed to elicit an answer that will allow me to either filter her out as a girl that is not my type or gives her a chance to show me that she is my type. Note that this is designed for me personally and would be different for other people based on whatever their preference in dating type.

Email Message #5: From Jane

A little trouble is good for the soul. I love abandoned houses, I just try to avoid the illegal actions (breaking and entering and such).


I love mountains, last month we went to trail days in damascus,va and that is a beautiful place to explore, but what's more interesting is digging through the people. There were so many different "types" of people all with fascinating stories. I adore cities also, back alleys and finding those amazing restraunts that no one else realize is there, or the authentic belly dance shop that draws you in (or whatever your passions may be at the time). I find it's a lot like antiquing, when you find something that looks like junk but inside is marvelous (I greatly enjoy going to garage sales like that too).

:-)

Wow, she sounds super awesome right? She really gets into it and was able to elicit a personal and emotional response. She is revealing stuff about herself that she wouldn't if she wasn't attracted and interested in meeting me. She passes the qualifying question and the only thing left to do is to put the nail in coffin and arrange the meet up.

Email Message #6: From Me

Wow, you are adventurous, I think we need to start an explorers club, what do you think? How about we make our first adventure to get some ice cream cones?

There's no need to keep the conversation now, the only goal is to get her number, real email or other contact information. Too many people get stuck in the online dating forever zone which seems to be a consistent problem. Your goal with online dating on sites like Plenty of Fish isn't to make a pen pal, it's to get dates in real life! So rather than let things fizzle in the virtual online realm, you need to move the interaction to an actual real date as soon as you've created attraction.

Email Message #7: From Jane

That would be great, you can call me this evening, here's my # (555) 555-5555

~Jane

It worked!!!  Not only did it work but it was done in only 7 email messages.  There you have it folks, one of my best examples/sample of successful online dating email messages from where else but the PlentyofFish dating site.